Our Little Buddy

Sundays are hard...

There are a few reasons why Sundays seem to be particularly difficult. First of all, Mason was born on a Sunday, so every Sunday that passes marks another week that he has been gone.  It's been 10 weeks. Sundays are also hard because of church, our ward is a very young ward, almost everyone has young children, and there are lots of little babies, it is a bitter reminder of what I am missing. Church is also hard because of the spirituality of it. No matter what subject is being taught, it all reminds me of Mason. Some feelings are happy, but it is still hard to to have to feel them.

Even though every Sunday in the past had been difficult,  I woke up this morning determined not to let this day drag me down. I used to love Sundays, and  I wanted to feel that way again. So I woke up, got dressed, got my family ready, put a smile on my face, and drove to church. We arrived ten minutes early which is a miracle for us. As we were walking in, a saw a family I didn't recognize, and I thought to myself, yay! a new family in the ward. It was only a matter of seconds before I realized it wasn't a new family, they were just visiting. Walking next to them was a sister in our ward, holding her little baby, all dressed in white. It was fast Sunday, babies are blessed on fast Sunday. Three babies were blessed in our ward today, it could have been four. I really wanted to be happy for the families, I did, but I was feeling a little left out. I wanted all of my family to be there with me just like the other families were there. I wanted my baby to be all dressed in white about to receive a blessing from his father. I sat there feeling especially sorry for myself as the tears rolled down my face. This was not the day I was expecting. It was probably one of the hardest days I have faced since we lost Mason. I am grateful I didn't realize what was going to happen at church today before we got there, because  I may have not gone, but as hard as it was,  it was something I needed to go through. It's times like that when I feel that the pain is more than I can bear, is when I feel my Heavenly Father's love for me the most. I felt the spirit so strongly, whispering to me that it was all going to be ok, and that my turn would come. I know I will get to enjoy all of these things with Mason some day. 

It was hard to not have our baby there to share his special blessing day with everyone, but a babies blessing is one thing we did get to experience with Mason. Shortly after I had him, while we were still in the hospital with many of our family and friends there, Craig gave Mason a name and a blessing.  It was the most beautiful blessing I have ever heard. I remember Craig standing right next to my bed holding Mason in his arms. He paused for a minute before he started the blessing, I imagine gathering his thoughts and receiving inspiration for the blessing.  It was in that moment that my testimony of the priesthood was strengthened so much. I knew Heavenly Father was guiding him to say the things he needed to say, and the spirit was so powerful in the room, it was the first time since we heard the awful news that I felt peace, and a small understanding. We often refer to Mason as "our little buddy," this blessing is where he was first called that. Craig kept calling him "our little buddy," so that is really special to us. This blessing is very personal so I won't share too much of it, but  I do remember Craig telling Mason to go about his father's business, and to not worry about us, and to know that we will be doing everything we can to make sure we make it back to live with him so we could all be together as a family. He told Mason how much he was loved by his family. He is. I cannot wait for the day when I get to tell him that myself, but until then you better believe I will be doing everything possible to live worthy so we can all be together again.