Mason's Story Part Two
It's been quite awhile since I posted the begining part of this story. I have sat down to continue writting the rest of the story many times, but haven't been able to go through with it. I know it's going to bring back a lot of emotions that I have been pushing away. Today I couldn't get it off my mind, and I know it's time, so here goes...
The weekend we found out we lost Mason, started out just like any other weekend. We celebrated a friends birthday Friday night at F1 Race factory. We were there with the Siddoways and the Bucks. I sat out from driving the race carts because I was 9 months pregnant. Everyone had a great time racing, and afterwards we went to dinner at Red Robin with the Bucks. Dinner was great, I remember ordering a frozen strawberry lemonade and Mason kicking around like crazy as I drank it. Later I would realize that that was the last time I ever would feel him move. After dinner we headed back to our house with the Bucks and played card games until it was way too late, but we were having so much fun! Saturday we spent at home all day as a family. It was the first Saturday Craig had been home in weeks and I was determined to get things ready for the babies arrival. We spent most of the day cleaning, and I had every intention to get out all the baby clothes and wash them and hang them in the closet, and get the basinet out and set up my room for the baby, but I never seemed to get to it, I was always distracted with other projects. Before I knew it, the day had ended. We had plans that night to go to a party at the Bucks house, again for Adam's Birthday. I am a major ice cruncher when I am pregnant, so we loaded up the kids, I filled up a huge cup with ice, and we headed to the Bucks. At the party I was sitting in a chair in the family room talking to my friend Jackie Lee about births. I had Brogan naturally,and she has had all three of her boys naturally so we were talking about my plans for this baby. As I was sitting there talking, I was eating away at my cup of ice. I remember thinking to myself, "that's strange, normally the baby is moving around like crazy when I eat ice." but there was nothing. I didn't think too much of it, there had been plenty of times when I didn't fell him move for hours. A few hours had past, we had put our kids to bed at the Bucks and we were now playing some cards. I was sitting at the table eating a new cup of ice when I realized he still wasn't moving. Now I was concerned. I sat there for a minute poking my stomach seeing if I could get him to move, nothing. I didn't want to make a big scene, so I pulled Craig aside, told him what was going on, and that I was going to go home for a few minutes and try a few things. When I got home I filled up a cup with ice cold soda drank it and laid on my side. Earlier in the pregnancy I had a similar scare, but as soon as I drank some soda, the baby was moving within seconds. This time there was still no movement. I laid on my back, on my side, ate more ice, nothing worked. I headed back over to the Buck's and told Craig I was thinking of going to the hospital. I called the hospital, told them what was going on and they said I should come down as soon as possible. On the way over, our conversation in the car was very lighthearted. we had been through this once before with Talia, I couldn't feel her moving for hours so I came down to the hostpital and everything ended up being fine, she just didn't want to move! I don't think either of us were to worried and kept making comments like " I hope they don't keep us here too long." When we entered the hospital and got in the elevator, the first wave of fear came over me, I remember thinking to my self, "what if I have to have the baby now, I 'm not even ready, or even worse what if I have to have an emergency c-section." In my mind that was the worst thing that could have happened. I never thought for one second that I had lost my baby.
The hospital was pretty empty, so we were addmitted very quickly. After I had changed into the gown,our nurse came over to put the heart monitor on. As soon as she turned it on we heard a very fast, quiet heartbeat. I felt immediate relief, and then felt silly for coming down to the hospital. I looked at Craig and smiled and knew he felt the same relief. The nurse was still adjusting the heart monitor because the heartbeat was so quiet. Her expression and body language were telling us that everything was not ok, like we had thought. She adjusted the heart monitor for a few more seconds and then said "honey, are you ok?" I said "no, I'm feeling very nervous and scared." She said "that is why your heart rate is at 120." Then she turned off the heart monitor and said she would be right back, she was going to order an ultrasound. At the time, I hadn't yet realized what was going on, but looking back, I should have known. They never have a problem finding the heartbeat when you are 38 weeks pregnant, and they certainly don't need an ultrasound machine. A minute later our nurse returned with another doctor, and an ultrasound machine. My nurse and Craig were standing on my right, my nusrse holding my hand, and rubbing my arm, she already knew. Craig was standing next to me both hands on my legs, anxiously watching the screen as the doctor performed the ultrasound. The screen looked to me like a black and white blur, with no movement. Craig said okay doc, your gonna let us know as soon as you see something. The doctor was silent. I just remember seeing him shake his head. Without a word and in a matter of seconds he finished the ultrasound and wheeled the machine out. I felt like I couldn't breath. Another doctor entered the room and said words that I know I will never forget for the rest of my life. I can still hear her voice in my head. "I am so sorry, but your baby has expired. There was no heartbeat. This is the hardest thing we have to deal with." She went on to tell me thet at this time they don't know what happened, and that we may never know what happened. She was a very sweet lady, and was handling the situation as best as she could. I was in complete shock. Tears came immediatly followed by sobs and screams. I heard Craig say " this must be a mistake, she was just at the doctor, and everything was fine." He was demanding to know what happened and all they could tell him was that we may never know. I was still laying in the hospital bed struggling to breath, and crying harder than I had ever cried in my life. Craig was hugging me telling me it ws gonna be okay, but I didn't believe him. Within minutes, a room was ready for us, and I was being wheeled down the hall, while Craig was calling our families.
